Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
