i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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