Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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