Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
