a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
