its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
