so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
