so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
