I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
