Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
