so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
