Porn is love you can see.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
