I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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