glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
