Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
