I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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