I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
