He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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