I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
