I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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