it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
