Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
