I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
