Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
