I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
