So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
