It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My penis needs a shock collar
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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