I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
