I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
