you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
