where am i from again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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