Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
