I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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