the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
