shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
