there's paper in my vomit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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