Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
