why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
