But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
