Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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