Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
