O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
