I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
