after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
