bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
