i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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