The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
