Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
