She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
