I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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