dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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