I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
