Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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