Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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