already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pants are for mortals
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
